11/4/09

I might die now

Sugababes 1.0 are reuniting and I might die.

Are there really any questions? Siobhán, Mutya and Keisha ARE the Sugababes, sorry to all the fake fans. I would personally love Shiv on Freak Like Me! And Push The Button! Go Shiv.

8/25/09

Sorry for the lack of updates...

... but I'm:

 - meeting new people
 - getting to know new people
 - getting drunken with new people
 - enjoying myself

Will be back in the near future. If you're desperate to know about my next update (and this even goes out to my obsessive hater/stalker) - contact me at:

tommie.dalberg at gmail

Thanks!

(anyone computer-savvy could figure that e-mail out, eh?)

8/17/09

The Holy Grail of Trash


Bless Michael K and DListed - you can always count on him to feature the classiest broads in the game; in this case Finland's own Johanna Tukiainen! Despite the fact that I actually have family in Finland, I'm not that eager to keep up with their usually depressing culture; ms. Tukiainen, however, seems to be a welcome splash of colour in an otherwise dire country. 

True Glamour Doll

Johanna first made a name of herself in 2003 when she decided to launch a Finnish answer to the burlesque Pussycat Dolls act named "The Dolls". Ms. Tukiainen  stated that she searched long and hard to find the right combination of talent and professionalism when she put the group together - as you can see in the video below (circa 1:35 in), their act is much classier than anything Robin Antin ever dreamed of! Sadly, instead of touring world stadiums the Dolls has seemingly split up. Imagine what kind of music they would've made together?




Despite splitting up with the Dolls, it didn't keep Johanna from shaking her thing - no, instead she brought in her stunningly gorgeous sister Julia and has kept on doing shows in classy clubs. The old vile hag Madonna should really consider hiring Johanna as her choreographer - maybe her shows would actually be worth the outrageous prices she makes her mentally challenged fans pay?  



Of course the Scandinavian beauty has experienced some scandals during this time - most notably how she "accidentally" leaked her sexy sms messages from a politician. She's also been tortured by rumours that she's doing escort work on the side - obviously made up by jealous haters who can't move it like she can! But more importantly, she's also decided to release a single titled "Lööppijulkkis" - or "Tabloid Celebrity" in English. She's also embarked on a massive tour that would put any artist to shame! 




I'm not sure how the single has been recieved in Finland, but I can only imagine it being constantly blasted on radio and number one for weeks! Of course, the cynical part of me suspects that Finland isn't ready for the kind of fresh and luxurious talent Johanna represents, but I pray I'm wrong and we get an album out of her! 

8/12/09

Say What, Ho?

Picture it - it's the mid-nineties and Reel 2 Real has just had a major hit with "I Like To Move It" (later covered by will.I.am for Madagascar 2) all over Europe. You're a struggling artist dying to get a hit of your own, so what do you do? Of course you do a bizarre carbon copy of it with someone talk-singing with a British accent on top. That's pretty much what you get In Here Sisters' 1995 release "Say What Ho!". While I'd lie if I said it's the favourite item in my record collection, it is up there with the truly bizarre ones. 

Maybe not unsurprisingly it was also their first and last ever release.

8/8/09

Norway's Got Talent

Since the fabulous and multi-talented Bionda decided to retire from churning out amazing pop songs like "Summer Love" and "Forget Me, Forget Me Not" to popping out babies, I've been desperately searching for someone to fill that massive void Bionda left on the scandipop music scene - well it seems like the answer was just a country away in the form of the amazingly talented Aylar Lie! 

Ms. Lie might be most famous these days for her participation in the Basshunter videos, but she had quite an amazing career before Hard2Beat snatched her up - first gaining notoriety for being kicked out of the Miss Norway competition due to her participating in such classic movies like "Little White Chicks... Big Black Monster Dicks 17" and "Cum Dumpsters 3". It's obvious that they were just sex-starved haters!

Not letting this minor set back discourage her, she continued forging herself a name in the Norwegian tabloid scene by appearing in Big Brother, getting her tits out for mens magazines and most importantly, releasing her own debut single. It seems like Aylar got bitten by the music bug as she decided to unleash her own cover of Sabrina's "Boys Boys Boys" in 2006! 


Pure class and talent!

I'm not sure what's going on with Aylar Lie's current music career, but I pray that she won't give up like Bionda did! We need her - I need her! One can only listen to her massive one "hit" on repeat for so long; hopefully Basshunter can, uhm, dump some hits on her.

8/6/09

Fuck You. Fuck You Very Much.

"Dolba, that fucking cunt!" she snarls as if she's phoned La Toya's psychic hot line to find out about YouTube's invention a decade later. "No nice feelings right now!" she explains as she goes to bash the artist that won her prize! Who am I talking about? Who else would I be talking about but Sweden's favourite hot mess miss Leila K and her infamous Swedish rockumentary "Fuck You, Fuck You Very Much"! 


Hi! This is the movie star, Leila. Call me back later. It's 11:30 now. We have to talk. Did you see the papers? I did not piss on the floor!
The majority of the documentary focuses on an incident that Leila claims was invented by the media - namely her pissing on the floor at the Swedish Grammies! Leila explains to the producer that she only does stuff that she thinks "is fun" when drunk and pissing on a floor? Nope, not one of them!

This leads to my favourite moments of the movie - Leila and a journalist from said Swedish tabloid trying to get the facts straight. During the interview miss K mocks, swears, pretends not to understand, drinks a bit and is just generally fabulous!  Of course - that interview left no party satisfied and Leila decides to go ahead and sue them for the piss story! 

At the beginning, Leila talks about how she envisions a big trial with her entering in Alexis Carrington-esque outfits each day of the week. She talks about how she can't be bought by money, only to end in Leila K (now in a blonde wig and cholita-esque make-up) accepting their settlement just because she's "short of cash". While Leila wasn't legally supposed to talk about it - ever, it does seem like she got the last laugh as it's all aired out in this documentary; with no consequences! 


Despite me going on about the trash factor of this documentary, this does touch on a some very vital issues today - would Leila K be treated that way if she wasn't a woman - or a muslim for that matter? I doubt anyone would ask Mick Jagger to go down from a table when posing for a photographer!

At the end of the day I would recommend this to anyone who wants to know more about Leila K and how badly treated she was by the Swedish media or if you just need a 50 minute lesson in "How To Be A Rock Star". 

8/5/09

It should've been Petra


As desperate record execs continue to try and push Little Too Big Budget For These Boots as the next Kylie I can't help thinking that it should've been Petra - or September as most people know her by. While the incredibly plain "Remedy" is being hammered on radio and soaring up the charts, poor September's (digital-only?) debut UK album looks set to miss the top 200 completely, with the cancelled lead single Until I Die only breaking the iTunes dance charts. So what the hell went wrong?

One could argue that waiting almost an entire year to follow-up the (what looks set to be her only) hit "Cry For You" was a huge mistake - I can't help to feel that Hard2Beat and AATW should've worked something out and re-released "Satellites" in the UK between á la Cascada and "Miracle". While it didn't work out the first time AATW tried to push it in the UK, I do think it would've worked out better the second time around as Radio One would've probably playlisted anything September put out at that point. 

Then there's the issue of the remix of "Can't Get Over" - I've personally never been a huge fan of the original as it's always felt a bit too disjointed to me. The UK radio mix is okay, if a bit chavved up, I can't help to feel that the Dave Ramone mix might've been a bit of a better match as it keeps the feeling of the original, while making it seem less like two songs scrapped together. 



Nevertheless, remix or not - it's pretty safe to say that after "Can't Get Over" barely hit the top 15 in the UK things started taking a turn to the UK pop dumpster for September. Hard2Beat seemingly didn't want to invest in a new video for "Leave It All Behind" (the buzz is that it was deemed 'too camp') and decided to go with one of her recent Swedish hits "Until I Die" and just re-edit the video to fit the slight remix. Then Radio One decided not to playlist it and instead of just releasing it and seeing what happens, Hard2Beat decides to cancel the single all-together two weeks before release and only put out the album as a digital-only release. And here we are.

It's such a shame that both record execs and the music press has decided to push Little Too Big Boots To Fill as the next Kylie to a largely indifferent public, when I really think Petra has all it takes - she can sing, do cheesy robot moves and has a genuine love for unpretentious dancey pop music - ie she actually fits the criteria that most gays love Kylie for. 

Oh well, at least it means more September for me, so it's all good!