7/16/09

Brooke Hogan's search for Redemption


I've got to admit - I wasn't paying any attention to Hulk Hogan's stunningly gorgeous daughter Brooke (or BroHo, as we shall from now on refer to her by) until the other week when I first heard her random Heidi Montag diss track "Ur Not That Hot". Of course, the whole concept of someone taking the time to diss Heidi Montag and inadvertently comparing their own music career to Heidi's was too ridiculous to pass up on!




Before we get to the actual album, there were a few things I had in the back off my mind about BroHo's amazing music career - for example, I remember blogs reporting a few months ago that she just didn't have the proper funding to continue on with music, so what happened? At first I just assumed she blew away any money she made off VH1's Brooke Knows Best on this, but at the same time it didn't seem very likely that VH1 would pay her enough to even cover for the extensive photoshopping on the album cover!

Digging further, I discovered that she had recently signed with a company called "SoBe Entertainment" and surely, a newly started indie label couldn't afford all the fancy producers on this? Well, as it turns out SoBe Entertainment is owned by rich kid turned rapper Stack$, who also happens to be BroHo's boyfriend. Mystery solved! 

Now onto the album itself...

1. Intro

The intro is every bit as ridiculous as you'd expect - lots of news reporters sampled here with BroHo announcing that this is, indeed the redemption! This leads into...

2. Strip

Considering the intro, you'd think that the second track would be some kind of commentary on being a celebrity today yadda yadda whine whine, but thankfully BroHo's too classy for that and follows it with this stripper anthem. It wouldn't sound completely out of place on Britney's Blackout, in fact I think there would at least be a hundred videos with fagbois 'stripping' by now if this was a Britney track! 

3. Hey Yo! featuring Colby O'Conis

The album's second single and currently heating up the lower regions of the US iTunes Pop top 100. If there was any justice in the world, this sweet mid-tempo duet would break them both into the mainstream, but I suspect it's off licking GaGa's boots for Colby and more reality whoring for BroHo. Life's just not fair.




4. Trust Me featuring Urban Mystic

Seemingly starts off as a ballad only to start up about 40 seconds in. With a name like 'Urban Mystic', you'd think that this would be a tiresome RnB 'jam' that's been polluting Janet's album the past decade, but this is pretty enjoyable. 

5. Falling featuring $tacks

The lead single from the album featuring her boyfriend and label boss $tacks. It's alright, but completely wrong choice as the first single. Nevertheless it features some classic rap from her boyfriend, including the line "you play wit fire it will get yo like a K-Fed".




6. All I Want Is You 

Possibly one of the more random tracks on the album, "All I Want Is You" is a dated pop/rock number. It's not horrible by any means, but where did she dig this up? Kelly Clarkson's reject pile from five years ago? Upon further investigation - it turns out that this track is indeed five years old! It was due to be on her scrapped debut album "This Voice" in 2004 and for some reason she decided to randomly include it on this album.

7. Dear Mom

After two filleresque tracks, the album returns to form with this open letter to momma Hogan about her scandalous ways. Unlike her mother, BroHo is a responsible adult who ain't down with that fucked up shit. Ma Hogan betta get correct and change her misbehavin' ways!

8. Handcuffed

A hot club track about BroHo's love for S/M. Janet wishes she could write poetry like this instead of digusting incestious ballads about being fucked by papa Joe! I expect this to become a staple at gay leather bars around the world! Make it happen queers.

9. Ruff Me Up featuring FloRida

Think Britney's "Womanizer" featuring the lyrics to Dannii's "Love Fight" - except you know, good. Clearly, Brooke was having a dildo party with her girlfriends while listening to Dannii's Tits & Behind, realising that Dannii's vision of hot domestic violence would never come true with that mediocre production and decided to help her out! Thanks BroHo, now we can all enjoy getting beaten up while getting off on it! 

Boyfriend and label boss $tacks likes ruffin' up BroHo

10. B D Dable

A tiresome urban 'jam'. Yawn.

11. You'll Never Be Like Him

Another pop/rock track that seems completely out of place on the album - much like earlier track "All I Want Is You". This didn't appear on the tracklist of her scrapped debut album, but I wouldn't be surprised if it was from those sessions - either way it's decent but completely out of place!

12. One That Got Away

Oddly enough, the album randomly jumps right back into mid-tempo urban mode after the last track! It's better than "B D Dable" and features her boyfriend again. However, not one of the better moments on the album.

13. Redemption

Overly dramatic and obviously trying to go for a 'epic' feeling, the title track is a gem! BroHo is screaming out to God, her parents, former lovers and all people in the whole wide world, informing them that they can't stop her fabulous redemption.

14. Finish Line

The last track on the album is sadly, nothing to write home about. A pretty weak finish.

Overall, the album is pretty patchy, but it features some real gems that most dime divas would be proud to call their own! Tracks like "Strip", "Hey Yo!", "Dear Mom", "Handcuffed" and "Ruff Me Up" makes this worthy of a listen. Hopefully BroHo's third album will be even stronger than this one.


3 comments:

Mike said...

Consider me a fan after reading this! I'll have to track it down.

PS. I'm loving that you're a posting bitch again. It's so classy.

tommie said...

You wouldn't believe what the jealous haters are saying on forums like PopJustice! It just makes me so mad. But whatever - BroHo's latest single has just charted at #186 on the US billboard digital chart, so it's obvious that they're just threathened that she'll replace GaGa, Britney, or who ever is popular at the moment!

Thanks for the support - I'll try to get better at whoring out the blog though.

Blogger said...

I've just installed iStripper, and now I enjoy having the sexiest virtual strippers strip-tease on my taskbar.